Santa Claus – Red flag for Corporate Malfeasance
By Laura Emerson
I realize that I am a highly skeptical compliance officer, but surely others, too, think that Santa Claus is running rampant around the laws for corporate ethics. Let’s consider, as a few examples, corporate registration and taxation, employment, and transportation. Let’s name names of regulators who seem to be turning a blind eye to this dangerous man.
First of all, Mr. Clause is such a shameless self-promoter that he makes Kim Kardashian and Donald Trump look modest. Meanwhile, he cleverly files no corporate records. Doesn’t this raise red flags for anyone? He is NOT listed with the IRS or SEC as running a registered American corporation or 501C3, under his name or other well- known aliases, such as Kris Kringle and Father Christmas. Perhaps he has masterminded a shell game scam, in which he shifts assets among several companies, either off-shore or under other leadership.
Obviously, he is getting money from somewhere to buy his inventory, distribute his products, hire workers, and pay his publicity agents, even if he doesn’t abide by Sarbanes-Oxley regulations. Two possibilities occur to me: a mafia-like kickback or a multi-level marketing scheme. Since parents buy toys at stores to give to their children under Santa’s name, leaving him tribute for his surreptitious retrieval at night, this sounds like the first option. Under the multi-level marketing possibility, it appears that the distributors (we’ll call them parents) are buying inventory from their merchants (we’ll call them stores) which in turn purchase items in bulk from the man at the top of the pyramid: Santa Claus himself. He makes Mary Kay and Amway look like amateurs.
Where is the FAA when you need it? Our airspace is no longer the wild blue yonder for any yahoo in a sleigh. Where does Santa register his flight plans? Are his licenses, mechanic records, and medical exams current? Is he instrument rated? The guy is old and wears glasses. Should he still be allowed to fly at night?
What about those poor reindeer. PETA: where are you? The Iditarod provides a successful model of weight limits and enforced rest stops for animals pulling a sleigh. Are the Eastern Orthodox the only people who care about these animals since they patiently wait until January 6 to receive gifts?
How about the employment regulations he is his surely flouting. We are complicit in his deception if we swallow the patently false “elf” worker scenario, since elves are not covered by employment laws. The term logically suggests under-age or height challenged workers. Are they lured to a remote slave camp location near North Pole by promises of toys and sugar plums? Look at those cheery recruitment posters. Sheesh! Who believes those! Given our pervasive satellite monitoring, surely someone could zoom in on the coordinates of his secret manufacturing complex.
On a side note, I think that high profile influencers have an obligation to uphold certain standards to the public that supports them. This is particularly true for those who cater to children. Given America’s concern for childhood obesity, it in shockingly bad taste that the poster boy for young people
is so flagrantly fat. If he doesn’t want to install a treadmill at his factory, he could learn a lesson from chunky politicians – nix the color contrasting belt and pose for photos behind a desk or podium.
America: Together we can take a stand for corporate ethics. Let’s teach this high profile denizen of fourth quarter profits that no one can fly above the law, even at Christmas time.
Happy Holidays, Readers!
