High Conflict People and the Toxic Damage They Cause

Do the following statements sound like anyone who makes you cringe, at work, in your neighborhood, in your extended family?  If so, you are by no means alone.  Fortunately, there are resources available to address the damage such people do to those around them.  

• "This is all your fault. None of it was my fault.”
• "I disown you (again). You have been a terrible spouse/son/daughter/etc. How dare you contradict me.”
• "Don't talk to those neighbors; they'll screw you like they screwed me."
• "You never loaned me that money. It was a gift. Prove it.”
• "Of course, my way is right.  You can't possibly succeed doing that. How stupid.” (No, I never thought of it ).

A recognized category of extremely difficult personalities, identified as "High Conflict People," is easily recognized by a combination of unattractive traits that include:

• “My way or the highway” thinking

• Emotional over-reactions (that can include yelling, throwing things, hitting, or over-the-top messages on emails, letters, answering machines, back stabbing, starting rumors)

• Blaming others, particularly for their own problems, either defensively (“he's out to get me”) or offensively (“it is your fault now and always”)

If your business or home life has been ripped asunder by unpleasant people with such personality traits, you will be glad to learn that a number of books and articles outline how to deal with them, and in various contexts, such as business negotiations, employees/supervisors, divorce, and parenting. There is even a HighConflict Institute! The founder of that organization, Bill Eddy, was previously a therapist at a psychiatric hospital, and later a lawyer and mediator. What a great background for the topic! He has written books with such provocative titles as Its All Your Fault!: 12 Tips for Managing People Who Blame Others for Everything  and High Conflict People in Legal Disputes.

How to Afford Three Months of Travel Per Year

(note: this includes updates)

I agreed to move to the middle of the woods in Alaska, outhouse and everything, as long as we could travel for several months in the winter. It doesn't have to be ALL winter – mind you, winter is l-o-n-g in Alaska – but I wanted time enough to escape some of the darkest and coldest months from what I fear could become a claustrophobic cabin.

And who would determine the travel itinerary? Naturally, me. After Bryan's history of travel decisions, which had landed me 42 miles from the nearest road at 61 degree latitude, and after several years of him-to-her gift giving such as a 9 mm pistol, a scope, and a propane powered flame thrower; after years of smiling numbly upon receipt of matching Husqvarna 455 chainsaws, I usurped travel arrangements. Bryan complied.

The idea of traveling for several months each winter initially seemed extravagant, but eventually seemed cost effective after several knock-on-the–head realizations that helped us reconfigure both our living expenses and our ways of conducting business.  

Below, I describe our logic, several useful websites, and some price points and hints).  Perhaps this will help armchair travel readers take a leap elsewhere themselves.    

Angel Investments over the Past Decade

An excellent source of information about angel investments in the U.S. can be found at the website for University of New Hampshire's Peter T. Paul Center for Venture Research. https://paulcollege.unh.edu/research/center-venture-research
Scholars there have been tracking venture funding since the early 1980s, and the most recent ten years of annual and semi-annual reports are available for free, at the school's website. Below is a summary of highs and lows over the past decade. What questions do these statistics raise for your business funding plans?


In 2012, 21% of entrepreneurial ventures presented to individuals and angel groups (beyond a “friends and family” round) found investors willing and able to invest in their businesses. This percentage, referred to as a “yield,” is nearly as high as the peak 23% attained in 2001 and 2007, and far higher than the historic average of 10 – 15%. Interpretations for this influx of investment dollars vary greatly and sometimes combine such reasons as investor optimism, fleeing the public equity markets, and a bubble in the making.


In addition to the increased percentage of ventures funded, both the number of entrepreneurial ventures AND the number of angel investors have peaked for the past decade, at 67,030 ventures funded by 268,160 angels in 2012, and 66,230 ventures funded by a whopping 318,480 angels in 2011. These numbers far outstrip the paltry 36,000 ventures funded by 200,000 angels during the “boom years,” such as (these numbers in) 2001.


However, these investment dollars have shifted away from seed stage companies to those with more of a track record. In 2012, only 35% of angel dollars funded seed stage companies, and 33% early stage, far lower than 2005's 55% of investment for seed stage companies and 2010's 67% to early stage companies. A corollary to this shift is the nearly steady, year by year decline over the decade in the percentage of angel investment as the first investor, from a high of 70% in 2005 to 52% in 2012. In other words, although more angels invested in more companies in 2011 and 2012 than earlier, they have become more conservative, by targeting more developed companies, and preferring to follow other investors rather than lead the charge.


What about exits?
The worst year for bankruptcies was 2009, when 40% of angel funded deals went belly up. More commonly, the percentage is in the 20-27% range, highlighting the risk that angels take when they invest in young companies – a point that entrepreneurs should bear in mind when asking for other people's money. In other words, just about the same percentage of companies being funded by angels (about 1 in 5) will, once funded, fail. So entrepreneurs should expect attentive due diligence by potential investors, which may well take longer than they wish.


The most frequent positive exit by angels was in the form of mergers and acquisitions. The highest percentage was 70 in 2008. Other years, mergers and acquisitions accounted for 50 to 65% of the exits. For this reason, entrepreneurs are wise to surround themselves with industry knowledgeable management and directors, whose connections may be crucial to ensuring a profitable merger or acquisition.


IPOs don't happen for small companies anymore, and none have been recorded for the past few years.



The industry sectors most popular with angel investors remain remarkably consistent. The most frequent two sectors for the past ten years have been software and healthcare. The following industries shift back and forth for the next few places in the list: industrial, energy, retail, bio/life science, IT, and media. Financial services and telecom have both fallen out of favor in the past five years. This does not mean that entrepreneurial ventures outside these industries don't get funded, but it may suggest that other management teams need to explain their value proposition carefully to an audience that doesn't encounter as many deals in that sector.


Like any set of statistics, these data leave plenty of room for interpretation, but a few points jump out to me.

1. Entrepreneurs have a lot of competition for angel ears, as well as angel dollars. So be prepared to stand out of the crowd by being thoroughly prepared for investor scrutiny.
   
   
2. The percentage of entrepreneurial ventures successfully securing funding is close to beating the decade's high. This could mean that it is easier to get funding now than before, or it could mean that a bubble is forming and the gravy train will derail shortly. Entrepreneurs should develop contingency plans if the funding climate shifts during a protracted period of due diligence and should never, ever spend money anticipated but not yet in hand.
   
   
3. Seed funding is harder to come by. So entrepreneurs need to be able to self fund for a longer period than in the past or need to develop some revenue stream early, in order to (a) stay afloat and (b) attract investors who want to see a functioning business, not just a business plan. Besides, being able to generate some payments increases the range of potential funding sources, such as revenue based lenders (like factoring firms).
   

4. Because the majority of investor exits are through M&As, entrepreneurs need to know their competitors, suppliers, and customer base very well. Any of these could be your partners, buyers, or bosses in the future.
   
   
   To be routed to the website of the University of New Hampshire, click here.
   

Spot Liars and Frauds Before You Hire (or Date) Them

For ten years, my favorite job as Compliance Officer of an Investment Bank was spotting liars. This meant figuring out which finance professionals NOT to hire because they embellished their qualifications, which potential clients NOT to accept because they had obfuscated weaknesses in their companies, and which alleged investors NOT to believe because they would never pony up a dime. On the theory of “garbage in, garbage out,” I figured that anyone who lied to me up front about something I easily discovered was likely to lie later on about something important I might not detect. With 7 billion people on the planet, I endeavored to avoid those mendacious people and work with honest ones.


What appalls me is the frequency with which I have encountered grown-ups who lie, easily, smoothly, and frequently to get something they want, based on merits they lack. Obviously, their blarney must work on some of the people some of the time. I'm also dismayed by the number of companies and individuals who don't do background checks before they hire or recommend people, or who part with their money or let someone into their homes or lives without asking a few logical questions first. So shame on both parties!


The following article shares easy, cheap or free research that anyone can do in less than an hour and examples of falsehoods I have uncovered in the areas of education, business experience, lawsuits, and crimes.  Protect yourself with a healthy dose of skepticism, a few minutes on the Internet, and some judicious questions.

Tiny Kitchen? Sumptuous Brunches in 30 Minutes

If breakfast is the most important meal of the day, then what is brunch but a celebration of that importance? You don't gobble up brunch – you savor it. The entrees tend to be special treat versions of comfort foods. But many people don't cook such brunches for themselves. Why not?

Even in my tiny home (two rooms totaling 750 sq ft), with few pots and pans and little counter space for preparation and assembly, this grumpy, not-a-morning person routinely churns out the following breakfast egg entrees for family and occasional friends within 30 minutes (after my coffee) such as:

• Fried eggs on tomato basil bruschetta,
  
• Huevos rancheros (eggs over refried beans and cheese, on tortillas topped with salsa)
  
• Scrambled eggs over crab, salmon or pike cakes, topped with a lemon aioli
  
• A frittata of roasted potatoes with sausage, peppers, onions, cheese and eggs
  
• Eggs on creamy spinach sprinkled with bacon and chives
  
• Cheesy potato slices topped with smoked salmon and an egg
  

My go-to secret for quick, interesting breakfasts? Appetizers. You might not think of those two words in the same context, but I serve delicious and innovative morning meals throughout the week by utilizing prior hors d'oevres (and other foods cooked for prior meals). And with breakfasts as hearty as these, I tend to cook only two meals a day, which usually are – guess what – brunch (a late breakfast) and hearty appetizers (another sort of celebratory meal) for an early dinner. (I've never understood how people can sleep on a full stomach after a heavy, late meal)