High Conflict People and the Toxic Damage They Cause

Do the following statements sound like anyone who makes you cringe, at work, in your neighborhood, in your extended family?  If so, you are by no means alone.  Fortunately, there are resources available to address the damage such people do to those around them.  

• "This is all your fault. None of it was my fault.”
• "I disown you (again). You have been a terrible spouse/son/daughter/etc. How dare you contradict me.”
• "Don't talk to those neighbors; they'll screw you like they screwed me."
• "You never loaned me that money. It was a gift. Prove it.”
• "Of course, my way is right.  You can't possibly succeed doing that. How stupid.” (No, I never thought of it ).

A recognized category of extremely difficult personalities, identified as "High Conflict People," is easily recognized by a combination of unattractive traits that include:

• “My way or the highway” thinking

• Emotional over-reactions (that can include yelling, throwing things, hitting, or over-the-top messages on emails, letters, answering machines, back stabbing, starting rumors)

• Blaming others, particularly for their own problems, either defensively (“he's out to get me”) or offensively (“it is your fault now and always”)

If your business or home life has been ripped asunder by unpleasant people with such personality traits, you will be glad to learn that a number of books and articles outline how to deal with them, and in various contexts, such as business negotiations, employees/supervisors, divorce, and parenting. There is even a HighConflict Institute! The founder of that organization, Bill Eddy, was previously a therapist at a psychiatric hospital, and later a lawyer and mediator. What a great background for the topic! He has written books with such provocative titles as Its All Your Fault!: 12 Tips for Managing People Who Blame Others for Everything  and High Conflict People in Legal Disputes.

How to Afford Three Months of Travel Per Year

(note: this includes updates)

I agreed to move to the middle of the woods in Alaska, outhouse and everything, as long as we could travel for several months in the winter. It doesn't have to be ALL winter – mind you, winter is l-o-n-g in Alaska – but I wanted time enough to escape some of the darkest and coldest months from what I fear could become a claustrophobic cabin.

And who would determine the travel itinerary? Naturally, me. After Bryan's history of travel decisions, which had landed me 42 miles from the nearest road at 61 degree latitude, and after several years of him-to-her gift giving such as a 9 mm pistol, a scope, and a propane powered flame thrower; after years of smiling numbly upon receipt of matching Husqvarna 455 chainsaws, I usurped travel arrangements. Bryan complied.

The idea of traveling for several months each winter initially seemed extravagant, but eventually seemed cost effective after several knock-on-the–head realizations that helped us reconfigure both our living expenses and our ways of conducting business.  

Below, I describe our logic, several useful websites, and some price points and hints).  Perhaps this will help armchair travel readers take a leap elsewhere themselves.